"Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones, but Words Can Never Harm Me..."

November 2, 2018

When I was a child, there was an expression, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me."

That expression was often used on the playground or school hallways as a comeback or response to bullies. It was meant to send a message back to the bully: that while someone can harm you physically with objects (by their actions), they cannot harm you verbally (by only their words).

I think the quote has some value, but in most cases, denies or ignores the reality of the power of words.

Here's what I mean:

If the expression helps you, as an individual person, grow a bit of a thicker skin -- to not to let name-calling or taunting or toxic people to "get to you," but to brush off their unhelpful comments and remain calm, confident, and focused, then fine.

However...

I think in most cases, the expression denies the reality of the power of words. And here's what I mean by that:

• Words matter. "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21).

• What we say to other people -- and how we say it! -- often has have a powerful and even life-changing impact on them (for better or for worse).

• This is especially true if you are in a position of power or have authority (real or perceived) over someone, not only because your words are amplified, but because of the assumption (whether it's true or not) that whatever you say will be followed through on by action/backed up by deeds.

Here is why this is literally a life-and-death matter:

Along with many of you, on Tuesday, I attended the overflow service of "Solidarity, Community, and Comfort" at Temple Rodef Shalom, a service held in response to the shooting at The Tree of Life Synagogue near Pittsburgh. (A poignant photo essay of that event is HERE.)

The massacre at that synagogue was fueled by anti-Semitic and anti-immigrant sentiments. Rabbi Amy Schwartzman opened Tuesday's event by reminding us that Abraham and Sarah welcomed strangers to their tent. They didn't know who they were, but they showed them hospitality, offering them food and shelter. Those strangers turned out to be messengers from God, who told Sarah that against all odds, she would become pregnant and have a child (who would be Isaac).

Rabbi Schwartzman's point was this: the welcome of strangers brings blessings. The welcome of strangers brings blessings. That is a fundamental Judeo-Christian principle.

"The welcome of strangers brings blessings" is also a fundamental American principle. Words which reinforce that principle -- especially when spoken by those in power -- bring life.

Words which undermine that principle -- especially when spoken by those in power -- bring death.

Because "The tongue has the power of life and death."

So, to each of us, and to the leaders of our community and the nation: "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live." (Deuteronomy 30:19).

See you Sunday,

John

You Can Do Anything. But You Cannot Do Everything

October 26, 2018

I want to pursue an idea I floated a few weeks ago here, because I think it's amazingly good news.

And that has to do with taking seriously Paul's language (in 1 Corinthians 12) that each of us is a particular PART OF -- but none of us IS -- the Body of Christ.

There's a line from the book Essentialism that captures this pretty well:

"I can do anything, but I cannot do everything."

I love that line. I love it so much I'm trying to make it a bit of a mantra. Not only for myself, but as a reminder about others, and the church.

Part of the reason I love it is that it contains both confidence AND humility in equal measure.

"I can do anything" (confidence).

"But I cannot do everything" (humility).

It's true, of course, for each of us:  

"You can do anything.

• Good parents tell their children this: "you can do anything you set your mind to: want to be an athlete? A clarinetist? An accountant, social worker, teacher, doctor? You can do anything."

• But more practically, apply this to you, right now. Today you can do anything: go to the post office and mail that package? Get a haircut? Answer emails? Fertilize the lawn? Volunteer at a Get-out-the-vote drive? Watch something on Netflix?

"But you cannot do everything."

• Good parents also tell their children that!  "Life is full of trade-offs: if you want to play soccer, then clarinet lessons will take place in the off-season. If you want to be an accountant, then you'll need to take lots of math classes, and fewer history classes."

• But more practically: "well, I have an hour right now: if I get a haircut, I won't be able to fertilize the lawn...I can do anything, but I can't do everything."

It's also true of others and a good thing to remind ourselves about others:

• "He/she (my spouse, my boss, my colleague, that overworked employee at the checkout line) can do anything, but he/she cannot do everything....so...

• "Maybe I need to adjust my expectations about this person, give them a break."

It's also true of our church:

• We can do anything, but we cannot do everything. So we're going to concentrate on the particular vision, mission, and strategic priorities we prayerfully discerned in 2017.

• We can emphasize anything in any given sermon, or during announcements on any given Sunday, but we cannot emphasize everything.

• Lay ministers, vestry members, the outreach committee, our staff, the clergy, can do anything. But they cannot do everything. 

Unfortunately, there are not a lot of voices in our culture reminding us of this truth. Sure, sometimes we hear it in bits of wisdom like, "choose your battles," or "you can't be all things to all people."

But more often the voices in our culture try convincing us of the exact  opposite: our culture whispers (and sometimes screams) 

"you can have it all!"

"You can DO it all!"

"You can please everyone -- all the time!" 

That's perhaps flattering. And as advertisers and self-improvement seminar leaders well know, it sells lots of products.  But it's a lie. An oppressive lie.

Liberating us from that lie and oppression is 1 Corinthians 12: "be the part of the body YOU are."

Feel the liberation that comes with saying, "I can do anything, but I cannot do everything" -- and of giving yourself permission to do fewer things better. Feel the joy of doing quality work, not just a greater quantity of work.  

Feel the confidence (and humility!) to trust that both these things are true:

1. you have an important, even critical role to play, AND

2. it is not all about you. Other parts of the Body of Christ will play their parts, as we play ours.

For it is God, not us, who the coordinator: the one who knits us all together for God's purposes.

See you Sunday,

John

Affiliation and Identity

October 19, 2018

This week Rev. Kelly and I had a great conversation about Christian formation. 

The conversation was initiated by a conference Kelly attended, where one of the speakers talked about the difference between "affiliation" and "identity." 

Affiliation and identity aren't the same thing. 

It's possible for someone to be formally affiliated with a church or synagogue (and even attend it regularly) but not have a strong Christian or Jewish identity.*

(Conversely, it's also possible -- but more of a stretch -- for someone to identify as a Christian or Jew, but not be formally affiliated with or regularly attend a faith community.)

Two questions Kelly and started discussing, and invite you to join us in discussing, are, 

• "For those of you affiliated with The Falls Church Episcopal -- those of you attending (perhaps even regularly) and who are perhaps even officially members, but who do not have a strong sense of Christian and Episcopalian identity -- what kinds of experiences would it take for you to develop such a sense? Do you even desire such an identity? If not, why not? If so, why so? 

• "For those in the wider community (of the city of Falls Church/Northern Virginia/Southern Maryland/DC) who identify as Christian, but who are not affiliated with this or any other church, what are some good ways to invite, welcome, and connect them with The Falls Church Episcopal/The Episcopal Church?" 

and -- to take the conversation further than Kelly and I did, but to ask another question I'm particularly passionate about: 

• "For those who are affiliated here, regularly attend here, and who strongly identify as an Episcopalian but not necessarily as a Christian -- what kinds of experiences would it take to strengthen your identity as a Jesus-follower...an apprentice of Jesus...someone who has gone from knowing ABOUT God to knowing God and having daily conversational intimacy with God in ways that are transforming your life, and the lives of those around you, for the better?" Do you even desire such experiences? If not, why not? If so, how can we help? 

See you Sunday,

John